


Lovefool

by Bearslayer



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Destructive Relationships, F/F, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Mentions of drugs, mentions of drug abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 06:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bearslayer/pseuds/Bearslayer
Summary: Every time Renee gets away, she feels herself sliding back towards her.





	Lovefool

**Author's Note:**

> For week one of a challenge from a discord group I'm in... The challenge was "write a character you've never written before"; I've mentioned Renee but nothing in her point of view. There was also a prompt I filled (sort of) with this one; 'dress code'!

Renee Montoya was a damned fool.

Out of all the beautiful, eligible women she could have chosen to bring as a date to her partner's wedding, she had only really tried to ask two. Both had other plans that day, though Renee was sure she was being pushed aside by one in retaliation for Renee failing to commit to plans earlier that month. That didn't matter; she knew plenty of ladies she could bring. Hell, she knew some men she could even bring to further cement Crispus' long-standing jab of her being the spinster lesbian aunt of his future children. It was an important event in his life, though, so she wanted to keep his focus on his soon-to-be wife.

Doreen was beautiful, smart as hell, and out of both of their leagues in a damn near astronomical sense. When Renee and Crispus first transferred to Metropolis some years back, he had immediately been smitten by her. Renee had been too; the confidence of her tone, the way she dressed, those dark eyes, that dark skin, those long, _long_ legs. It was impossible not to admire her, and impossible to imagine how someone so perfect was single. It turned out that Doreen was a woman of incredibly particular taste and that anyone daring to court her would have their work cut out for them. The knowledge that she only went for men caused Crispus to actually do something akin to an end-zone dance when he and Renee were in private (she had gently declined Renee's offer to take her out on a date). Renee took the defeat gracefully, immediately beginning to lobby on her friends behalf as any good wing-gay should.

It had taken months of careful maneuvering on Renee's part, showing her friend in the best light possible, highlighting his skills, and coaching Cris behind the scenes on how **not** to speak to a woman. Her efforts had paid off. The two had gotten engaged after a year long relationship that Renee openly envied for its stability and loving nature. Now, after a year of engagement, they were due to be married. When two people were meant to be together, you could feel it while around them, and they definitely had that spark. It was something she thought she had felt in a relationship before, something deep and perfect and _right_... The same thing that had led her, stupidly, to dial a number she should have deleted from her phone the second she left Gotham. And right in line with Renee's luck, the number was not only still in service, but the voice that greeted her was **very** amused to hear from her.

Yes, Renee was a fool, more so still when it came to Barbara Kean. Her memories of Babs were as tempestuous as the woman herself, but she often found herself missing everything about her. The way she moved, the way she laughed, the way she _fucked_ , the way she could sway Renee to her every little whim... Calling her was a mistake, but hanging up would have been worse. Renee had heard many things about Barbara's exploits in Gotham. She heard she'd snapped, killed her parents. She heard she eventually managed to overthrow the admittedly dubious power structure in Gotham for a loop and become the Queen of the underworld for a time. She could only imagine what sort of nonsense she would invite on herself if she hung up on her.

These are things that should have kept her from making the call in the first place. Any detective worth their salt would cast a wide berth from someone like Barbara. But when it came to the two of them, Renee was 21 again, a pretend-butch hoodrat trolling Gotham's gay scene seeking out signs of the high-society bisexual who she'd fallen for after a one night stand. Never mind all the pain and suffering they had caused one another; it was Barbara that had finally broken Renee's resolve when it came to drugs. She had avoided them her whole life because she saw what they did to people, but she never knew how to say no to Babs.

With the drugs came the drinking, and with the drinking and drugs came the lying, the sneaking around, the hurt, the _misery_ , the cravings that were like spiders crawling beneath the skin. And god, did Renee crave. Her wanting, her craving, her yearning became a horrible amalgamated monster she couldn't contain by herself. It had taken her years to crawl out of the pit that she and Barbara had made, and once she did she knew she had to stay away. Barbara wasn't bad news on her own (at least, she wasn't before), but when they got together, they became a sinking ship. Their darkness fed on one anothers, becoming a symbiotic poison that drew them both into the depths.

Renee had sworn the last time they had parted ways that she would cut her out completely. They would be separate in all ways; she even went so far as to leave Gotham, her life-long home, just to further cement how through she was with her. She had left everything in Gotham, started fresh in Metropolis, swearing that it would be different. For a while, it was. For years she and Cris had lived there and worked the Metropolis beat, finding the place to be hospitable (if a bit dull compared to Gotham). Renee had a girlfriend at one point but it didn't go well; they broke up after a few months, the stress of having a cop for a girlfriend too much for the delicate academic type she had wooed.

When it came to Babs, Renee's promises to herself held about as much weight as a feather drifting through the atmosphere.

“Well well well... Color me surprised.” Barbara's voice was different, somehow, but definitely her. Agonizingly her.

“Barbara?” Renee said, finding her throat a little dry.

“Imagine my confusion looking at my phone and seeing your number pop up.” Barbara said. That was what it was. She sounded older, as if she had been through a mountain of troubles and come out ahead. Which she had, if the papers and gossip around the station were to be believed. Metropolis cops had some fucked up sense of superiority when it came to Gotham. It had taken her and Crispus longer than it should have to earn the respect of the precinct there.

“Imagine my surprise that I actually called you.” Renee said, unable to mask her self-deprecation.

“Aww, here I thought you wanted to catch up! Don't break my heart again, Renee. I don't take well to that these days.” Barbara said. If the last bit hadn't sounded so playful it would have come across as a threat. Perhaps it still did.

“I... wanted to ask you something.” Renee said, trying not to stammer. The confidence of the other woman's tone was disarming.

“Oh? I hope you aren't just calling to ask some favor after all these years. I might have to take offense to that.” Barbara replied, wary.

“Well, sort of.” Renee forced a chuckle. Growing up among the sharks, Barbara had learned to sense any weakness through a voice's inflection and the steadiness of tone. She had honed that skill when she was with Renee, learning to pick out her lies.

“Well, are you going to tell me, or do I have to spend all my time guessing? I don't particularly feel like falling back into that habit.” Barbara snapped.

“Are you busy on the 23rd?” Renee asked. Better to be blunt with her at this point.

“Most likely... I have a lot on my plate these days. Why?” Barbara's tone had shifted to one of caution now.

“Crispus is getting married and I need a date.” She said.

“I – you...” It was Barbara's turn to be dumbstruck. She played it off with a hollow sounding laugh. “You don't speak to me for years and you call out of the blue because you need a wedding date? What's wrong, scare off all the little biddies you usually go for?”

“No. I chose to call you. I sure as hell wish I knew why, since it was obviously a mistake. A simple no would work just as well, Barbara.” Renee said. That mocking laughter filled her with a strange anxiety, one touched with just a bit of excitement.

“Oh, no no, don't get me wrong. I didn't say no. I was just wondering if I was your last resort. I'll go. I've been wondering how Metropolis is looking these days. Let's talk clothes. What are you wearing?” The turn was so quick that it threw Renee for a loop; she looked down at herself.

“What? I – just an old shirt and pajama pants, wh-- shit. You meant to the wedding.” Renee groaned.

“I could get into that conversation as well, but yes, I mean to the wedding. God, you haven't changed have you?” Barbara was giggling now. Her giggle hadn't changed a bit. Renee could almost see the way the corners of her eyes crinkled, the way her grin lit up her entire face.

“I have, but not with things like that... I don't know what I'm wearing.” She admitted.

“I suppose I'll have to come the day before to get our outfits ready, then, won't I?” Barbara insisted.

“I – if you want to, I guess?” Renee mumbled.

“Now, I know you hate dresses, so maybe I can coordinate something. White is for the bride, obviously, but you've always looked amazing in blues and blacks, so...” Barbara seemed intent on planning their outfits while speaking to her, so Renee found herself in a situation so familiar it was almost like a memory. She listened to her voice, closing her eyes as the other woman spoke, a smile crossing her lips as the blonde put together their looks with ease. She could already imagine it; they always were a good looking couple.

In the pit of her stomach, however, Renee felt dread. She was falling into her old habits with such ease, and there was no way of knowing if she would continue to do so when she was actually in Barbara's presence.

No.

She would be fine. Two days meant nothing in the long run. They would catch up a bit, enjoy their time without complication. She wouldn't let it get so bad again.

Renee was a fool. A fool who had never stopped loving the one person who could make her self-destruct.


End file.
